Reach and Rise: Let's Talk About It

Kate Eberle Cotter and Melanie Holzwarth work as a team in the Reach and rise youth Mentoring program at the YMCA. Kate is a clinician who has worked in a variety of youth populations, and Melanie is a mom raising two children with Autism and an experienced homeschool educator. As we have met and spoken with families in our community, both during and prior to our current pandemic situation, we recognize a need for resources - especially for families with neuro-diverse kiddos. We all learn differently and have individual strengths and stumbling blocks. For youth with diagnoses such as Autism, spectrum disorders, ADHD, Downs Syndrome, or even trauma, change can be particularly jarring. This post is intended to share support and resources for ongoing communication with your kiddo about COVID-19 and how that is impacting them personally, your home and family, and other communities they are a part of.

Social distancing is hard for almost anybody (except for maybe introverts!), but for our kids on the autism spectrum who have issues with communication, comprehension, the insistence of sameness of routine, social (separation) distancing, and issues with new online/remote learning policies, it can be totally overwhelming. So, what helps?

Communicating, Comprehending, and Coping

• Children of all ages often need support navigating new situations, and clear communication can help alleviate anxiety. Social Stories help by really simplifying the topic in comprehendible terms. Learn more about social stories and how to create them at this link.
• We put together our top 4 picks of websites that can help you know how to have or even start a conversation with your child about this global pandemic, and how to access other resources you may be needing:

1. From the national association of school psychologists: Helping Children Cope With Changes Resulting From COVID-19
2. From the CDC: Talking with children about Coronavirus Disease 2019
3. Action for Healthy Kids: COVID-19 Resources: School Closures and Food Access
4. KQED (a part of PBS) - Six Age-Appropriate Books and Resources for Teaching Kids about COVID-19 Staying in Touch: Why Kids Need Teachers During Coronavirus School Closings - MindShift

• Get the most credible information you can. Focus on fact-based, helpful information about the virus. Avoid endless social media streams, which can be filled with misinformation, and constant breaking news headlines, which can fuel your concerns. This is particularly important for youth with anxiety, depression, autism, ADHA, or trauma as the overload of information and misinformation can be triggering.
• Encourage your child to talk with folks who support them. This could be a parent, a friend, a spiritual leader, a mentor, or another trusted adult they can confide in. If your child asks if you are worried, be honest! They will know if you are not telling them the truth. You can say things like: “Yes, I’m worried about the virus, but I know that there are ways to prevent its spread and take care of the family if one of us gets sick.” Approach your kids and ask what they know. Asking is often more helpful than telling. And sometimes, they may just need someone to listen. Validate their feelings and concerns.
• Be available for questions and provide new information
• Empower them by modeling behavior (wash your own hands, use hand sanitizer appropriately, sneeze into a tissue or your sleeve, cover your cough, etc.) Almost all youth learn behavior by observing the people around them. Lead by example.

A lot of our kids on the spectrum don’t just thrive with a set schedule they RELY on a set schedule. For youth whose lives have been historically uncertain, such as placement in foster or kinship care, routine provides safety and comfort. For some kids, school might be the most routine part of their day and now they don’t even have that. Here are some things we can try to help alleviate the hours of unscheduled time that are suddenly a part of our kids’ days:

• When establishing routine ask, “what is constant” in your child’s schedule and keep it that way as much as possible. Maybe this is the time they wake up, eat meals, go to bed, etc.
• If you can’t map out the whole day, make small routines for parts of the day - morning, evening, even just for an hour.
• Once you’ve identified your child’s schedule or routines consider making it more visual with a chart - you can include pictures for a younger child or just write out the routine on large paper for an older child. Here are some examples: Daily Routine For Families

• During Coronavirus Outbreak by MiniVans and Mayhem Daily Routine For Families During Coronavirus Outbreak
• Our Daily Routine During Coronavirus by The Happy Flammily http://www.thehappyflammily.com/2020/03/our-daily-routine-during-coronavirus.html

Social Distancing means that places our kids find joy in are suddenly closed - no riding lessons, no swim lessons, no playdates at Alameda Park. These outlets are important to our overall health and wellness, and losing that is stressful for kids. Some of these experiences can be replaced and some simply cannot, but here are a few things you might try:

• You will likely have to start by explaining to your child that although you understand they are upset or sad about missing out on their favorite activities it’s simply not safe to go and do them right now. Be patient, calm, and validate how they are feeling about the situation.
• Take this opportunity to do something enjoyable with your child. Make a craft, bake a cake, learn something they (or you) have always wanted to learn about. Now is the time to pull out those old storybooks you’ve been saving from your own childhood and read to them. Or snuggle up on the couch (with blankets if you like) and watch a favorite cartoon or movie. Just make time for each other in meaningful ways. Many families are pulling out the board games and linking up with other families via internet video conferencing to play together. Netflix has a Chrome extension called “Netflix Party” that lets a group of subscribers watch movies together with chat capabilities built-in.
• Start journaling. Have your child write out their “pandemic” experiences. Remember, this is a part of their living history and a story that they’ll tell their kids someday. You can also try a writing prompt journal or a gratitude journal. You could even write a note to your child each day and have them answer you in their journal.
• Don’t forget to check out community resources as well!
• Butler Area Public Library (https://www.butlerlibrary.info/) is still doing Children’s Story Hour and many other events for families, kids, and teens via video conferencing (https://www.facebook.com/ButlerAreaPublicLibrary/)
• Parents in Toto (a great resource for our Autism kiddos!!) (https://parentsintoto.org/) is also doing some events via video conference.

• Many places, the YMCA included, have websites and Facebook pages - drop in with your child and leave a message about how much their swim instructor or soccer coach is appreciated or being missed. It might just be that the person will see it and reach out with a video hello just for your kiddo. We live in the technology era, when it comes to connectivity we got this!